Think of places in the heart where Fear rules, where you feel like the object of predatory pursuit and have locked on the solution: the only way out is to take lodging in these guaranteed safe houses. A piece of paper – license, certificate, marital status, citizenship, proof of something or other that identifies you as qualified or legitimate. You are convinced “I’ve gotta have it” as though this were the only oxygen that your constricted lungs need to survive.
Sometimes it helps to reverse the pursuit, to turn around and face the pursuer and run it all the way back to where it came from.
Irreconcilable differences, unworkable conditions, unacceptable terms, unsatisfactory decisions are bad enough as they are. Fear lurks behind — what would people think of me? what about my reputation? the image that is solidifed in people’s mind of an upstanding citizen who may not be perfect but at least virtuous in matters that count? who will I disappoint? — but Fear rarely announces and unmasks itself. It wears a hood and hides behind carefully selected facts and sharply crafted justifications. “If I do x, then y will logically follow, so I have no other choice except z.”
Ego is always in the mix. Lots of it. Gooey, sticky, gummy, spicy, sweet and sour, crackling ego. Especially when we think “But I’m only thinking of the best for YOU and for THEM” when Ego is mostly scared for itself of not getting what it wants when it wants the way it wants exactly what it wants. When things don’t go our way, adrenaline pumps, nostrils flare, eyes slant and slit, neck lengthens, back stiffens. Doors slam, phones slam, and we resort to words like “always” and “never” with certainty and finality, such as “you’ll never see me again — if you don’t give me what I want” or expressions in the same order. The mind manufactures worst case scenarios by the dozen, all guaranteed to convince the fearful mind that there is only one solution.
Maybe chasing the predatory pursuer is not the answer, but rather inviting It to coffee at Starbucks. “Sit down, relax, tell me about yourself. You seem so determined to get my attention. Now that you’ve got it, here I am. Please speak to me. I want to understand all about you – where you came from, how long you’ve been trying to get my attention, and of course, why. You look so desperate to get me, and now I’m here. Let’s chat.”
In the course of coffee between Hunter and Hunted, or Haunter and Haunted, something called Mindfulness might show up. In the quiet of the mind, when fear has quieted down because it has been acknowledged, faced, and respectfully heard, the terrain of possibilities changes. When we are not longer run by Fear, we become much more open to the Reality that what we know plus what we think we know are so much smaller than what Life has to offer.
Nature, the universe does not like having things yanked out of it forcibly, prematurely, out of season. It may yield to our disregard for its rhythm and sense of order, but it finds its way to reorganize, rearrange, and recapture the mysterious way that it asserts its primacy and the wisdom that resides in it. In a state of Mindfulness, we can get a glimpse of this, but never when we are run by Fear. Fear cannot, will not accommodate Mindfulness. Mindfulness invites Fear to coffee.
When Fear retires because it’s been recognized for what it is, there is the potential for Grace to show up. She can’t be summoned, however. You can be the best little girl or the best little boy, and She still might not show up. She rarely goes by our clocks, analog or digital. You can’t make an appointment with Her. She chooses the time, place, shape, messenger, and vehicle. She’s known to wear hoods, too, just like Fear. She’s been known to chase people, too. She produces rancor just like Fear. Here’s one huge difference between the two. Fear’s message is always, “If you don’t do this, you will die!” Grace’s message is always, “Do this and you will live joyfully.”
